Ramblings of a new employee

I have entered office. My first real job, not the 3 miniscule internships I did so far. Change is always unsettling even if its’ pleasant. And I hate meeting new people and parroting the customary hellos. My mind’s somersaulting around and I do my best to put up a plastic wooden smile that says, “Kill me, I am dumb.” Am I smiling enough?” “Do I look over-eager when I try to listen closely?” Am I being judged everytime I speak?” I guess if I can concentrate so many conflicts in my tiny grey cells, (to borrow from a popular series) my emotional range could be wider than that of a tea-spoon. Small comfort that.

Student life’s never coming back. At least the one I am used to. Being instructed in classrooms where you can snooze away and then amuse yourself after class in more ways than one. This is serious stuff or at least it seems to be. What’s different? I don’t have conventional exams anymore. But I will have a boss breathing over my neck evaluating every aspect of my work.

Which is scarier? Take your pick. If that’s not scary enough for you, here’s more. Responsibility is challenging. If I make mistakes, people lose money (real money unlike the trading games I have played so far). I know the above doesn’t sound as dramatic as “If I make mistakes, people die.” But if people lose money because of me, guess who could land the pink slip. Ah well I am a mountain-mole-hiller. Always was J