2009, a year without parallels

Nearly a year after I stopped writing, I want to start again. They say words are composed in moments of great emotion. They couldn't be more correct (sorry JPM, i compose any crap for u, I just wait for my month-end sms from u). Oh btw, great emotions need great intoxication Ah well some things never change. Megha, I promised u a 2009 report. So here goes, even if its belated. 2009 got me love. And its much more important than anything else. 2009 got me to be a human being and not a machine that survived on alcohol and smokes. And you know what, it all started on the 1st day of the year. Shreya, megha and MR thanks for pushing me to confront my fears and approach the brave new world (see last post, again another bad habit acquired from the bert gochets of the world). So what was 2009?, a year of diseases, birthday without a phone, clutching cakes in pinching rain and more importantly warm sunshine :) MR must be growing wistful of the sun now :) Dreary foggy london. 2009 was when I chose myself over everything else. And come to think of it I had never paid any attention to myself. In school, I never wore denims and used to dress in a over-sized T-short to hide my man-boobs and large trousers to hid my girly ass :) Well not any more :P (sunshine u must be patient). All I cared about in life was food and later in college (thanks to boozy) lots of the good stuff. Things changed dramatically last year. I am learning to dance although my attempts at singing have been widely rebuffed. I quit smoking apart from the usual oner in a month (sorry eric). Oh my mocktaves moves are lost now forever, including the famous video that was flicked along with my hard disk. I guess tis the first year in my life when I can't crib about anything. I have a few people to thank this year. MR and the king for being the most important people in my life. Eli for taking me in when I was homeless and giving me a home so close to where I wanted to stay. Chummi and Mrs Chummi for supporting me every single day. The HUL girl (She knows why i thank her). please gimme ur no. I lost it again. Shankar, when r u coming back to bbay. Mom and Anny for being there for me when I needed u and for accepting me+ somebody. E, I live for you alone. Thank you for coming into my life.

Rain

Rain drops splashing across the glass

Spraying their wrath at me

A relentless enemy strikes without

Travelers together on an endless journey

My reverie broken I stare

At a city I barely call home

A new side I discover

Of life through tinted glass

As the elements haunt the streets

Even the powerful must seek cover

Forcing life to stand still

They who must but always run

Now helpless, stranded and sore

I press my face across the glass

To catch a glimpse of my life

As it used to be and could have been

A vision into a glorious past

A bunch of carefree souls I spy

Who splash mud and water all smiles

Radiant, full of hope and alive

If only I could get back

I would trade the very world

Every single ounce of joy

To go back to my friends

Goodbye

Tonight I bid farewell to a dream holiday. Tonight I bid farewell to 9 unbelievable days of fun juxtaposed right in the middle of an official leave. Tonight I bid farewell to 2 dear friends. I shall not summarise my Singapore trip. Please refer to the blog marked as The Globetrotter in my linked blogs for a far well-written account. Suffice to say, the trip had gambling, scorpions and snakes, starfishes we could touch, Hard Rock Cafes and Singapore discs and every conceivable animal, bird, fish or insect you can think of. Was it fun? An emphatic yes. Would it have been fun if Monkeyman & Chotu weren't there? An even more emphatic No..

Chotu has been a friend since a long time. I have known her for almost 5 years now. That's a long time for friends you make after school. In the 1st 3 years, we slaved for the Economics Society. We made telephone calls to zillions of politicians, diplomats and the likes to invite them for talks; most of who wouldn't even take our calls. We ran around to do the bidding of those who commanded us because they were a year senior. We brainstormed together, discussed eco, and thought of psychometric games for our dear sponsors. Pretty much an exhaustive list. We also fought bitterly at times over stuff I believed then to be extremely important; today I wouldn't fight with her even if you offered me a million dollars.

We began the next part of our journey together. Somehow, I guess we were meant to be friends even after college. We got through to all the same IIMs, didn't make it to the same IIM, got the same job, got through to the same university abroad. We almost landed up going to intern in the same company. If only things had turned out differently, she would have been around a little longer. But one doesn't always get what one wants.

This journey was carved out of paid leave at office - post entering the big bad corporate world :) Student life's never going to come back. Being apart from Chotu helped me realise how important she is in my life.

In IIM Chotu practically took care of me. If I came back to my room, a public common room really, and find the lights switched off I knew Chotu had been slinking around to use my Superslim mirror and had put an end to my criminal waste of electricity as she put it. She would take the pain of reading every stupid blog I wrote and leave a comment behind. Did I mention my b'day mail, my yearbook writeup and everything else? There are so many happy memories, I cannot begin to list down. I will give it a shot though. Chotu and I wandering around campus, right in the 1st week, looking for a fag (mine :) and I claim to be very good at directions. Needless to say, we got lost. Chotu painting my face in Unmaad. It was blue and red and it had a cobweb, a potential ecosoc cover in the past. Chotu being ah well pursued by over enthusiastic gentlemen in a particular L^2. Jooz and I till date shudder to think of how we almost changed our orientations that night. Chotu's b'day nite treasure hunt and I fail to get a shortlist from my summers company. I am heartbroken but only for an instant. The treasure hunt was on. Next morning, Chotu wakes up early and drives me out of my room to Attica's to talk to me. That memory shall be imprinted in my psyche forever.

Why is she so important? Because she watched over me when I went through the darkest phase of my life. I wish I had listened to her advice more. I wish I had heeded her word. I would be a far saner person if I had. I wish she was sitting by me this very instant.

And then there is Monkeyman, the most remarkable person i met in IIMB. He continues to amaze me each time I meet him. He's everything I want to be. He combines a unusually sharp intellect and a drive to commit to and work hard for whatever he thinks important with a complete absence of self-doubt. How can someone be so oblivious of failure? How can someone stand up with confidence each time, focusing only on his goal and not be afraid or scared? He has the determination of a child and he yet he is far wiser than me. And might I say he cares. I shall remember the first time we met. Watching a tsepak game and then we caught a movie early on a Sunday morning. He gave me this small image of Ganesh once in first term. Now I detest religion, I really do. And yet this gift was the most special thing I have received in a long time. I proudly display it in my room till date.

I believe I bonded with him first when we were both indicted together. When our fate was to be decided by authorities for a crime which was just a mistake. Our whole batch being intimated that we had sinned. I cannot erase that horrible day ever. I remember him strong, Chotu resourceful and me shattered. I remember him standing by me when most wouldn't. I remember him all brave and fearless. I remember him teaching me about mortgages, suggesting my CCS Topic, taking my interview for finals (the only one who did so), coming to my room everyday and ensuring I was strong, by me when I was going through the final placements. And yet everytime he was around I felt her presence. Her concern, her standing by my side. Even when she was miles away, I could sense the two of them by me. I still do...

My version of "..If I have no time to stand and stare..."

Are trains a forgotten pleasure?
Relics of a bygone era now removed
Far from the pages of a jetsetting age
Save for some unfortunate small-towners
Who need must travel by train
To get to warm food and bed

Trains move much like life
Unpredictable journeys with rank strangers
Some care enough to stay longer
To turn companions on a hidden fate
Some locales zip by like they never existed
Others consume mind and time

Some fleeting moments shared between stops
By people who may not share anything else
Can outlive even the length of the journey
We see sights which inflict our conscience
With burdens which must haunt us for long

And yet many a time we lose our way
For there is none who can drive us all way
The journey is only worth the wait
When the path matters more than our stop
All journeys however must end the same
In a place from where we cannot return

Must we care about where we are headed
And figuring out how fast we get there
Too hasty to make a new friend
Or even catch up with an old one
For a journey isn't worth much
If I have no time to stand and stare