2009, a year without parallels

Nearly a year after I stopped writing, I want to start again. They say words are composed in moments of great emotion. They couldn't be more correct (sorry JPM, i compose any crap for u, I just wait for my month-end sms from u). Oh btw, great emotions need great intoxication Ah well some things never change. Megha, I promised u a 2009 report. So here goes, even if its belated. 2009 got me love. And its much more important than anything else. 2009 got me to be a human being and not a machine that survived on alcohol and smokes. And you know what, it all started on the 1st day of the year. Shreya, megha and MR thanks for pushing me to confront my fears and approach the brave new world (see last post, again another bad habit acquired from the bert gochets of the world). So what was 2009?, a year of diseases, birthday without a phone, clutching cakes in pinching rain and more importantly warm sunshine :) MR must be growing wistful of the sun now :) Dreary foggy london. 2009 was when I chose myself over everything else. And come to think of it I had never paid any attention to myself. In school, I never wore denims and used to dress in a over-sized T-short to hide my man-boobs and large trousers to hid my girly ass :) Well not any more :P (sunshine u must be patient). All I cared about in life was food and later in college (thanks to boozy) lots of the good stuff. Things changed dramatically last year. I am learning to dance although my attempts at singing have been widely rebuffed. I quit smoking apart from the usual oner in a month (sorry eric). Oh my mocktaves moves are lost now forever, including the famous video that was flicked along with my hard disk. I guess tis the first year in my life when I can't crib about anything. I have a few people to thank this year. MR and the king for being the most important people in my life. Eli for taking me in when I was homeless and giving me a home so close to where I wanted to stay. Chummi and Mrs Chummi for supporting me every single day. The HUL girl (She knows why i thank her). please gimme ur no. I lost it again. Shankar, when r u coming back to bbay. Mom and Anny for being there for me when I needed u and for accepting me+ somebody. E, I live for you alone. Thank you for coming into my life.

Brave New World

I can't think on paper anymore, so here goes...

A destitute man finds reason

To fashion a new spirit

In every moment of defiance

Hope springs from the flower of courage

In every debacle I see promise

Every blow is but a brick

One more stone in a mighty edifice

For a world far far better

I know you don’t find it

But I see it tall and inviting

A more radiant smile I have

Yet to see from a woman

The tower all aglow with mystery

An impish charm surrounds it

Long languorous curls descend

In thin wisps they brush my face

Searing my skin one moment

And whipping a gentle breeze after

The dark eye holds me still

Commands me with delicate grace

My palpitating heart must in her coil

Tremble and abandon reason

My every living second must behold

Her beauty but from a distance

My past has proven me unworthy

The gilded halls are just a dream

Forbidden

Love tempt me no more

Bind not my feet to strange chains

And my heart to forbidding stone

Long have you toyed with me

Deluded my wild senses

And blinded my puny affections

Long have you misled me senseless

And made me believe I could have

What was never meant to be mine

Must you leave me bereft of all joy

Must you torment my every living moment

Must you always darken my doorstep

With your unwelcome craven shadow

You made me wield the pen

And weave a landscape endowed

With your essence, its every strand

Enmeshed in your bewitching snare

A honeyed trap and no more

For an unsuspecting fool poet

A prisoner to my very own words

A mute witness to those who left

You leave behind many a memory

Of what could only have come to pass

You promised and yet you forbade

Seizing every insignificant gift you could

Dark nights and even darker thoughts

Have you rendered on my soul and mind

Till at last I have lost

All but abject guilt and shame

Your prey now tires of the game

Pray now let me escape this endless void

I shall now glide away singing

An elegy to unrequited love